We got so high we made milksteak
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
