She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
