Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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