Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
