I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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