I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
