yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
