i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
