I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
