I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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