Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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