how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
