Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
