Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize