i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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