Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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