fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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