dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
