oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
this hospital has no fireball
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
