your room smells of hookers.
And success
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
