tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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