My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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