Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
