I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
