how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
