i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My ass is underappreciated
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
