I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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