We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
