90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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