Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
