someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
