I accidentally burped into my bong.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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