u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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