you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
