Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
