I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
