all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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