I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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