i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
