I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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