The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Randomize
