K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
