It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
