just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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