Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
