i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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