my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
