you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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