I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
