Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
