It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
