ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
