Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
