You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
