I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It was confusing and full of hummus
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
