I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
