i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
