I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
