thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your penis caused this!
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