She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
