A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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