well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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