i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
