You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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