So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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