Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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