I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
