More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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