Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
