i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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