I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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