I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
