Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
