"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
