ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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