i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
