He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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