Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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